You are not my enemy

I sat breathless. He couldn't be preparing to say what I think he was. Could he? No. Of course not. Not him. Not the man who had made such great strides in leading me well. Not the man who opened up the book of Galatians with me just days ago to encourage my heart. This …

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Living in the truth of now

When I first started writing, it was out of desperation. I needed an outlet. A safe place. A filter of sorts. If I'm not mistaken, for the first several weeks I wrote almost daily. I had to. I was constantly processing this betrayal, there was no break. All I could do was think about it, and …

Wow. That’s love.

I've noticed something about myself. Sometimes, the good days scare me.It has been several days, and I've felt no fear of comparison.That fear has been replaced by peace. Assurance. A calmness in my mind.I am truly enjoying my husband's personality. God has used this to create in him such a humble, giving, and kind heart. And, not …

More. Not Less.

I have an unpopular opinion.In fact, I have many.We need more strong, masculine, godly, determined men in this world. More. Not less. When my husband confessed his adultery to me, he also immediately confessed it to our Pastor. This could have gone many ways. Many women have had the blame shifted to them, courtesy of the church. Courtesy …

A spotlight, flooding the darkness

One of the things I've realized through this season of my life is that when struggles are confessed, they often lose much of their power. Darkness can't hide when light shines on it. Our Thursday night check ins have continued to be a beacon of light chasing away the darkness that attempts to settle in our wounded …

Healing isn’t actually what I need.

I spent a few days feeling like I had regressed. The mind movies were coming in waves. One after the other. Pummeling me. The nightmares were waking me up. The disgust was overwhelming me. The sadness falling over me again.The doubts, and fears, began to entangle me. When the pain of betrayal traps you again, you quickly feel like you're …

Fighting for thankfulness

I've been watching the calendar as it has slowly crept towards today. I've wondered how I'd feel. What would I say when it was my turn to express my thankfulness? That used to be easy. I'd rattle off, "I'm thankful for my husband, my children...." and so on. It was simple, and said without sacrifice …

The waves

I'm not sure if I've been avoiding sleep, or if it has been elusive. Whatever it is, it has been a struggle. Nightmares have entangled me recently, they feel out of my control. I still struggle when my mind is left to itself. If a nightmare doesn't jolt me from my sleep, I find myself tossing …