You are not my enemy

I sat breathless. He couldn’t be preparing to say what I think he was. Could he? No. Of course not. Not him. Not the man who had made such great strides in leading me well. Not the man who opened up the book of Galatians with me just days ago to encourage my heart. This must be a mistake.

“I was unfaithful to you.” 

It was no mistake. This was my life, crumbling before my very eyes. Exploding. Falling to pieces with one sentence. Everything immediately ached inside of me.

Only hours ago I had seen what I thought was a strange message come across his phone. He was up collecting offering, and serving communion. He had given me the phone to hold. His phone went off, and I went to silence it. I saw it wasn’t an ordinary text, but a photo. A woman? Maybe it was a wrong number. It wasn’t vulgar or anything too suspicious. Except, the Holy Spirit knew. He immediately began to prepare my heart. I can’t even tell you what our Pastor preached about. I couldn’t take notes. I couldn’t focus. I sat and prayed that it wasn’t what I thought. I prayed that God would just make sure everything was fine. God could fix this. Surely, I was just being paranoid.

When I finally had the opportunity to bring up the strange message, I felt everything inside of me tighten. It was overwhelming. I knew what hadn’t even been admitted to yet. I was being prepared for something big.

“I was unfaithful to you.” 

He couldn’t look at me in the eyes. His face fell. It was as if suddenly blinders came off, and he saw what he did. It was the face of deep regret, embarrassment, shame, and disgust.

I sat shocked. Confused. I couldn’t put the pieces together. I could feel my soul ripping. It was physically painful. But, then something happened. Through the intense pain, and confusion, and immediate sadness, I felt something stir within me. I remember looking at my husband straight in his face and saying, “You are not my enemy. And, Satan cannot have my marriage.” 

I knew who the enemy was. It was clear. It wasn’t this shell of a man sitting before me. Something bigger was happening. My marriage was under serious attack. The enemy thought he had won.

The details of my husband’s one night stand would soon follow. We spent all that night sitting on opposite couches. He would say a few words, and sob. I would say a few words, and sob. The chasm between us was greater than anything I had ever felt. I wanted to move near to him for comfort, but I stayed planted where I was. Stoic. Breathless.

In less than 36 hours my world had changed. My husband had committed adultery, and confessed. My heart had been shattered. My future felt uncertain. But, I felt firmly about one thing, my God was good. My God was my defense. My God could be trusted. My God already had the details figured out. I laid down that night a broken woman, but the same Holy Spirit who had prepared me earlier that day stayed near to comfort me as well.

This begins my journey.

-Hopeful-

Advertisements

8 thoughts on “You are not my enemy

  1. Welcome. To the most overwhelming, confusing, painful, amazing, beautiful journey. Where hope shines bright. I am sorry you had to hear and write those devastating, soul crushing words you heard from your husband. But know, precious lady, that the beauty from ashes thing is real. xo

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This sounds like what I went through…am going through. My wife and I are Christians. One night of “indiscretion” on her part and our marriage is in deep trouble for the first time in 12 years.

    Like

      1. My wife has been out of state visiting her family and this just happened a week ago with an old friend of hers. She is coming home on Sunday and we will be having a long talk The problem is, I don’t know if I want to fix things. I give it to God, but as for my part, I guess I’m just tired. This betrayal broke something in me.

        Like

      2. Oh, I’m so sorry. Those first few months are so dark, lonely, and overwhelming. I highly recommend googling affair recovery and looking at their resources. They’ve been so helpful for me. I’ll be praying for you.

        Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s