One week left

One week left. That's all we have to go. We started this relatively intense infidelity recovery program 12 weeks ago. Frankly, I'm tired. It has been good. We've dug into issues such as triggers, the "why", forgiveness, old habits, old hurts, and so much more. We've joined in weekly conference calls with others, also walking …

I spent a little time, forgetting.

We went out of town this past weekend. It was a quick trip, only a day and a half. A bit of a whirlwind. My kids love traveling with their daddy when he has to go somewhere for work. Being homeschoolers, we're always on the hunt for a good field trip. A zoo, a local …

Twelve Plus One

This past week has been a wild one. My emotions, unstable. My sleep, sporadic. My dreams, terrible. There were days I was an emotional mess. I could't quite figure it out. What was going on? And, then I remembered. My wedding anniversary was coming. I realized that my body, and mind were struggling. "The body …

An unrelated trigger

I have had a lot of thoughts swirling around in my mind recently. I keep a running list of thoughts, and topics that I want to write about to fully elaborate on. Oftentimes, I'll have a thought and it's only fully fleshed out when I can start to write. Rarely do I have all of …

Pressing on

"That comparison bit is your work. The trust bit is his work...Keep doing your work, my friend."I reached out to a friend about my most recent struggle concerning physical intimacy, and how paralyzed I felt. It is a good gift to have friends who will be honest with you. Sometimes, oftentimes, healing is your own …

Difficult healing

There's nothing about healing from such intimate betrayal that is easy. But, physical intimacy is downright hard. It's a difficult healing. And, recently, it has felt even more difficult. I'm not even sure why, or how to explain it. It just is. From intrusive thoughts, to emotional breakdowns afterwards. I never know what to expect, …

Assessing the danger

We went out the other evening. He wore a suit, I wore a classic blue fit and flare dress. The flare helped hide the small weight I've gained so far in this pregnancy. Overall, I felt beautiful, and confident, and looking forward to our evening.But, as we mingled in the crowd of people, I wanted …

Being compared to sin.

On a good day, I'm mostly okay. Truly. On a good day, I can be tending to the daily needs of my life and realize that the pain hasn't crossed my mind. The betrayal hasn't consumed me. The healing has been evident. The hard work worth it. And, the bad days? They don't last so …

Anniversaries

Our anniversary is coming up. Honestly, I put it out of my mind. I didn't realize it was sneaking up on me so quickly. My husband mentioned it the other day, asking me what I'd like to do. He wants more than anything to honor it, celebrate it, hold it in a special place. I …

It was always bound to happen

It was always bound to happen. Confession. The heartbreak that followed. The hard work put into place to recover. There was a time I felt like, "If only you hadn't made that one terrible decision..." As if it all could have been avoided. But, his heart was bent towards unfaithfulness well before 2018. We were …